


just another (long) day in tokyo

by vvwrites (beingvv)



Series: Hakukai [1]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Banter, Best Friends, Chaotic Child Kaito, Crack, Crossdressing, Established Relationship, Humor, Long Suffering Hakuba, M/M, Pure Crack, Romance, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingvv/pseuds/vvwrites
Summary: The one where there is a Sherlock Holmes Cosplay competition in Beika and Kaito thinks it’s a stupid idea, honest.
Relationships: Hakuba Saguru/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid, Hattori Heiji/Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan
Series: Hakukai [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797130
Comments: 7
Kudos: 154





	just another (long) day in tokyo

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the Young at Heart series I've been writing in Chinese (and spamming here), which is a 10 years later established relationship Hakukai+Heishin fic series where all four of them live and work in Tokyo. The basic premise here is the same. I started with this idea in Chinese and then I realised it might be more fun to have this written in English.
> 
> So yeah to everyone who's been wondering what's in the Young at Heart series, basically a whole load of this. 
> 
> A massive thanks to the warm welcome I received on the Hakukai discord, this is for you <3

**just another (long) day in tokyo**

“So I think this is a stupid idea,” Kaito said solemnly.

“It’s a wonderful idea!” Hakuba said. 

“Since when are any ideas stupid to you?” Shinichi said. “You don’t get to talk.”

“Hattori thinks it’s a stupid idea, doesn’t he?” Kaito said, nudging Heiji with a foot. Heiji, who was dozing slightly on the sofa, started. 

“What?”

“Don’t you think it’s stupid? This Sherlock Holmes cosplay competition thing?” Kaito said, flapping around the promotional poster like a fan. Heiji rubbed his eyes and blinked blearily. 

“Well, yeah,” Heiji said, and stared at Kaito’s celebratory fist with a mildly puzzled expression. “I mean why do Holmes get all the attention? Nobody ever thinks of cosplaying the great Ellery Queen, even though he was vastly superior.”

“…” 

Kaito retracted his fist and announced: “Detectives are stupid.”

“Is that why you are not entering?” Hakuba said. “You’d prefer to dress up as Ellery Queen?”

Heiji contemplated this. “Well — ”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Shinichi said. “He’s too dark to be a Holmes.”

Heiji sighed with feeling. “One day,” he said, “one day this is going to get too old for you.”

“I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Kaito said, “Detectives are stupid.”

None of the detectives paid him any attention. 

“What are you all looking at?” Kaito whined. “Oh my god, is there a betting pool for this?”

Shinichi waved him away and Kaito went over to look at Hakuba’s phone, hooking his chin over the blond detective’s shoulders. Hakuba patted him good-naturedly.

“This is getting stupider by the minute,” Kaito said. “Mouri Kogoro with 1/150 odds? Who came up with this?”

“I have 500 yen on Kudo,” Heiji said inconsequentially. 

“A wise investment,” Shinichi said.

Hakuba made a noncommittal noise. Shinichi peered at him. 

“You don’t think so? …I,” Shinichi said, shaking his phone proudly, “am the current front runner to win.”

“And I,” Hakuba followed regally, “am British.”

“…”

“He has got a point,” Heiji said, pulling out his phone. “I’m putting 500 yen on Hakuba as well.”

“A _colossally_ stupid idea,” Kaito said, aggrieved. 

“It’s not even that hard being Sherlock,” Kaito complained over dinner. “The guy has been adapted so many times, so many people have done it — there’s no challenge in it.”

“I beg to differ,” Hakuba said. 

“And how many Holmes original editions do you have?” Shinichi said. “You are just salty that people are not fawning themselves over KID for once.”

“Okay A,” Kaito said, raising a finger, “No one, especially no detective, can imitate the great Kaidou KID, — sorry darling,” he added, nodding to Hakuba.

“I shall take that as a compliment,” Hakuba said.

“And B,” Kaito continued with another finger, “KID sama’s fans are a loving family. They dress in my name, and chant in my name, and they do not partake in petty competitions. Kneel, puny human.”

Kaito flung his arms wide and nearly knocked over Heiji’s bowl. Heiji scowled at Hakuba.

“I really don’t know how you put up with him.”

“I mostly keep him around just so he isn’t out there tormenting humanity,” Hakuba said, scrolling on his phone. “If you believe in my good deed, I will kindly accept donations in the form of upvotes in this competition.”

“Very sneaky,” Shinichi said. “Here, have my pity vote.”

“Also my good deed of the day,” Heiji agreed, and upvoted. 

“Well I have news for you,” Kaito said, nudging over with his chair until he could fling an arm around Hakuba’s neck. Kaito pressed his cheek against Hakuba’s and grinned manically. “I’m your reckoning and you are in for life.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Hakuba said casually, hooking a finger in his direction. “Now give me your phone.”

“You can have my body,” Kaito said haughtily, “But you can never have my — Hey!”

Hakuba swiped up on the voting page and tossed the phone back to him. 

“Impressive sleight of hand, detective,” Kaito said reluctantly.

“I do learn from the best,” Hakuba said. “Are you quite alright, Hattori-kun?”

“It’s just an overdose of you two,” Shinichi said in a bored voice. “Oi Hattori, stop trying to drown yourself in your soup.”

“Mmmrgppp,” Heiji said.

Next morning.

“It really isn’t that hard being Sherlock,” Kaito’s voice said from the top of the stairs.

“Why is he announcing this on the megaphone?” Shinichi said.

“Since when do we have a megaphone?” Heiji said.

“Try not to trip on the carpet,” Hakuba said.

Kaito came down the stairs in a silk robe, stalked over to the sofa with purpose, and Heiji jumped out of the way in pure instinctual self-preservation. Kaito flopped down onto the sofa, sighed dramatically, and yelled.

“Bored!”

A magic handgun came into view with a flick of his wrist, and Kaito cried again: “bored!” A card went whizzing by Shinichi’s hair, who ducked just in time. “Bored!” Another went by Hakuba’s ear, who remained seated, unflappable, in the armchair. Finally: “Bored!” Heiji’s toast left his hand and got pinned to the wall. 

Silence.

“You see?” Kaito said majestically. “Not hard at all.”

“…”

Shinichi looked at Hakuba accusingly. “You showed him BBC Sherlock? Really?”

Hakuba gazed at him serenely. “Woe befalls those who believe Kuroba can be _shown_ anything,” he said.

“There’s a name for that,” Heiji said sympathetically. “Your affliction.”

“And a terrible affliction it has been known,” Kaito said, “We — ”

“That is _not_ Sherlock,” Shinichi said. “Try again.”

Kaito immediately schooled his face back into profound disinterest. “Emotions.” Kaito announced, “Grit on the lens, the fly in the ointment — ”

Heiji groaned heartily into his hands. 

“Well?” Kaito said. “I enter, I win. Move over, puny human.”

Kaito spread his arms over the back of the sofa a la Loki, and wiggled his eyebrows.

“You will _not_ enter,” Hakuba said. 

“Won’t I?” Kaito said, swinging a leg over onto Hakuba’s lap, who patted him automatically. “The real question is. How will you enter?”

Hakuba looked at his phone. “Hmm?”

“I burned your entire Holmes setup,” Kaito said. 

“No you didn’t,” Hakuba said distractedly, scrolling on his phone.

“OK I didn’t,” Kaito said easily. “But I hid it.”

Hakuba peered at him over the phone and smiled enigmatically. Kaito raised a challenging eyebrow, and Hakuba clicked his phone shut. 

“What have you got against my Holmes setup?” Hakuba asked. “It’s what I wore when we first met. Aren’t you at least little nostalgic?”

“Nostalgic?” Kaito said with a straight face, “No. PTSD? Very much so. Hence, I burned it.”

“…” Heiji sat down heavily next to Shinichi. “Sometimes I feel like we run an asylum.”

“So it really isn’t hard being Sherlock,” Kaito said.

Shinichi started, squinted, and fell back onto the bed. “What? Kuroba, it’s three in the morning!”

Kaito grinned at him and produced a violin. 

“…”

“KUROBA,” Hakuba’s voice from next door, “get back here this instant — ”

“Does the great Sherlock Holmes take orders from anyone?” Kaito said, pausing in his violin play before resuming it at a more manic pace. “You know my methods, Watson — ”

Hakuba came to the bedroom door, knocked perfunctorily twice, and entered. 

“I do sincerely apologise,” Hakuba said, catching Kaito by the arm, “Kuroba-kun has been like this since high school — ”

“I am _really_ glad we didn’t go to the same high school,“ Shinichi stared at the ceiling feelingly. 

“How the ever-loving fuck is Hattori still asleep?” Kaito said, incredulous. “I’m missing one giant toad in my audience!”

“Out,” Hakuba said. Kaito pouted, and Hakuba sighed through his nose. The blond detective stepped closer, and lowered his voice. “Do you want me to keep you entertained, Kuroba-kun? Because I will.”

Kaito’s eyes flashed as his tongue darted across his lip. “Are you going to do the thing?” He asked.

“Fine,” Hakuba said, “As long as you go back to our room.”

“Oh and, like the other night,” Kaito said.

“As you wish,” Hakuba said, “Please vacate this room immediately.”

Kaito dropped the violin next to the wall and slid out of the room. “That was yours, by the way,” he said, wiggling his fingers. 

“Why am I not surprised,” Shinichi said. 

“Again please accept my apologies,” Hakuba said before closing the door. “I will keep him occupied for the remainder of the night.”

“I really did not need to know that either,” Shinichi said numbly, and kicked Heiji in the shins.

“I had the weirdest dream last night,” Heiji said over breakfast.

“Not a single word,” Shinichi said, two massive black circles dangling beneath his eyes.

“Well I had a good time,” Kaito said, licking his lips. 

Hakuba sighed. “For the greater good,” he said. 

Later in the day.

_Dzzzzt_

Overworked in Tokyo (Group Chat)

Kuroba - 16:12

[come at once if convenient]

“I am _not_ being summoned by that idiot,” Heiji said.

“…” Shinichi clicked his phone pointedly shut. 

Overworked in Tokyo (Group Chat)

Kuroba - 16:15

[if inconvenient come all the same]

“Oh, hey,” Kaito said. “Only you came. Figures.”

Hakuba peered at him exasperatedly. “Was there anything you actually needed, Kuroba-kun?”

“No?” Kaito said. “Well. Now that you are here.”

Hakuba turned to leave and Kaito said, “Wait wait! Imma duck out of work, gimme two secs, let’s go on a date.”

“I have cases to solve,” Hakuba said. “Don’t you have reports to finish?”

Kaito reappeared in a dress, wig and full makeup moments later and looped an arm around Hakuba’s. “Report, break, all the same. I’ll stay up tonight and do it. Live a little, Hakuba! I’ll tell you what,”

Hakuba rolled his eyes up at the sky for mercy. 

“Since you are so into this Holmes business,” Kaito said sweetly, “I’ll be your Watson today.”

“…”

Hakuba looked at him. “You would make a terrible Watson,” he said matter-of-factly. 

“Aw rude,” Kaito said. “I make a perfectly passable Watson. Unless you mean your hawk, in which case, I need to go home to pick up some supplies first.”

A biker went by yelling for people to get out of the way, and Hakuba instinctively pulled Kaito closer. Kaito grinned at him. 

“I can be your sober companion,” Kaito said. “Though that works better if you were actually on drugs.”

“…” Hakuba said, “Do you mean _Elementary_? Are you only ever aware of popular adaptations of Holmes? I have many first editions I’m willing to lend to you, you know.”

“Lend,” Kaito said dismissively. “Don’t I own everything you own?”

Hakuba glanced at him exasperatedly and Kaito grinned back. The corner of Hakuba’s lips lifted.

“Take me to a crime scene,” Kaito said. Then, “Wow, said nobody on a date ever. I’m so original.”

“Must we?” Hakuba said. “We can go get some ice cream. Like normal people.”

“Tempting,” Kaito said, “But we are not normal. Why, don’t you want to show me off? Hakuba!” he said, pressing a hand over his heart in faux alarm, “Are you ashamed of me? Is there anyone else in the Police department? Is it that Kudo what’s-his-name? I demand you take me there this instant!”

“…”

Hakuba’s eyes returned to the sky. 

“What the fuck,” Heiji said. 

“So hi,” Kaito said, extending a hand, “My name is Joan Watson, and I’m a sober companion for Mr S. H. here.”

“Wow,” Shinichi said, “True love I guess? Wow. You know this is totally inappropriate and unprofessional, right, Hakuba?”

“Would you prefer to see him loose at a crime scene?” Hakuba said with a pained expression, “At least this way I can keep him under supervision.”

“Um,” Kaito said, “I think Hattori-kun might be having a stroke.”

“Why did you go to him?” Heiji said apoplectically. “Why did you bring him here? Work is literally the last sanctuary we have — ”

“I don’t know what false impressions you lived under but,” Shinichi said.

Hakuba just shook his head solemnly. Kaito grinned, a KID kind of grin, and Hakuba snapped his eyes towards him warily. 

“Now that is no way to look at a lady,” Kaito tutted. “Come. Let me see your progress.”

“You are not seriously going to help with the case?” Shinichi said.

“What, you doubt my abilities?” Kaito said. “Puny human.”

“Wait a minute,” Heiji said, coming alive again. “Oh my god. I know.”

“What?” Shinichi demanded.

“The competition is tonight!” Heiji said. “This idiot’s worried that if we get caught up in the case we will miss it. My god, Kuroba, you are a giant softie!”

“Okay A I resent that label,” Kaito said, “Don’t ever use that in my presence again, dark human, and B — ”

“That is very considerate of you, Kuroba-kun,” Hakuba said, smiling.

“…” The tip of Kaito’s ears burned. Kaito scraped the ground with the tip of his heels, and mumbled, “Whatever.” 

Shinichi rolled his eyes and patted him on the shoulder. Kaito squealed: “Don’t send the wrong message! I’m Hakuba’s Waston!”

“And there goes my sanity again,” Heiji sighed. 

“And the culprit is…”

Three fingers pointed at one direction. 

“…You!”

Three sets of triumphant smiles, clicking cameras, rolling coverage of another resounding success of the Reiwa Detective Trio, etc etc. 

“Not too bad,” Kaito said approvingly, “Not nearly as much coverage as KID sama, but not bad for a bunch of nitpicking detectives.”

“I was going to congratulate you on a job well done,” Shinichi said, “and then you opened your mouth.”

“The marking was a good find,” Hakuba said. “You have a good eye, Kuroba-kun.”

“You are _such_ an enabler,” Heiji said. “If one day this idiot decides to take over the world — ”

“Hakuba will be at my side,” Kaito said resoundingly, jutting out his chest in pride. “I thank you for your vote of confidence, dark human.”

Heiji looked at Hakuba. “You could _at least_ protest,” he said aggrievedly. 

“Well,” Hakuba said. 

“He’s totally mine,” Kaito said, smug. “For the greater good — ”

Hakuba sighed through his nose, whipped off his gloves, grabbed onto Kaito's face and kissed him. 

“Ew,” Heiji said. “You got blood on your gloves and lipstick on your face.”

“This is literally the only way to shut him up,” Hakuba said solemnly. Kaito looked dazed. “Trust me, I’ve had years to try.”

9pm, backstage of Beika theatre. The sound of the building crowd seeped through the door, and the announcer said, “for the grand charity finale — a Sherlock Holmes cosplay competition — with some of our very favourite Reika detectives from the Tokyo Metropolitan Police!”

“So he didn’t actually burn your Holmes setup?” Shinichi said.

“Of course not,” Hakuba said, adjusting his hat. “Kaito is chaotic, not heartless.”

“True lurrrrrrve,” Heiji said. “Seriously you guys are disgusting.”

“Hmm,” Hakuba said, “Then why is it you look so forlorn? Kudo-kun, have you been neglecting your better half?”

“My darker half,” Shinichi said, “Better is such a strong word.”

Heiji sighed with his whole body. “I’ll take it,” he said glumly.

Hakuba grinned at them and left. Shinichi peered at Heiji, who was, for a lack of a better word, pouting, and snorted. “Baro,” he said softly, and leaned across with a kiss.

“Where is that chaotic bastard?” Heiji asked. “Wish he could’ve seen this. My boyfriend is the best.”

Shinichi swatted him on the head. 

Overworked in Tokyo (Group Chat)

Hakuba - 21:45

[Where are you? @Kuroba]

[You better not be up to something.] 

Kudo - 21:47

[He’s definitely up to something. ]

Hattori - 21:53

[(Photo attachment)]

[(Photo attachment)]

[@Kuroba how could you have missed this]

“Wow you guys are tied now in odds and votes,” Heiji said, scrolling on his phone. “Hmm. Maybe I should have bet on some of the unlikely newcomers as well, just to liven this up a bit…”

“What, like Kogoro?” Shinichi said. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“I have a feeling,” Hakuba said, leaning against the bar and scowling slightly.

“Your boyfriend’s probably watching from the ceiling waiting to take photos of us from awkward angles,” Shinichi said, “Don’t worry — ”

The theatre suddenly erupted in cheers and the announcer ran on stage again, panting. 

“ _Definitely_ getting a feeling,” Hakuba said.

Overworked in Tokyo (Group Chat)

Kuroba - 22:00

The game is afoot, gentlemen.

“And our last contestant!” The announcer said, “a last minute entry! From — ”

The announcer looked at his card. 

“Mystery Sweetheart of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police, The Bane of the Reika Detective Trio!”

“What?” Heiji said, “Who?”

“Oh no,” Shinichi said.

“Oh god,” Hakuba said. 

The stage exploded in a shower of confetti, and a male figure in his forties dressed in a revealing black dress, wearing a questionable turquoise headscarf and a pair of achingly high heels sauntered onto stage. The crowd fell silent. 

“I agree,” Kaito said in perfect, smug, don’t-you-want-to-punch-me-in-the-face English, “It’s not my best disguise. ”

“I swear to god,” Shinichi said. 

The crowd was in hysterics — apparently Robert Downey Jr is more popular than authentic Holmes, whodathunk — Kaito has now moved on to Iron Man impressions, and was snapping his fingers — 

“Yes!” Heiji pumped his fist in the air. “I got my bet in.”

“Are you seriously going to bet on Kuroba winning?” Shinichi said, swatting him on the arm. “What happened to … you know?”

“What?” Heiji said. “Oh. You know I love you, Kudo — ” Shinichi blushed slightly. “But Kuroba wins any crossdressing competition, you know that.”

“Well you don’t seem to be affected,” Shinichi said to Hakuba.

“I’m channelling my inner Spock,” Hakuba said with a stoic face. “It has been essential to the continued survival of my sanity.”

“Who’s Spock?” Heiji asked.

“Who’s — ? ” Hakuba glanced at him, shaking his head. “Holy mother on a bicycle. Spare me this shameless Osakan ignorance.”

“Okay your boyfriend is literally up there doing Endgame impressions in a _dress_ ,” Shinichi said, “You do not get to judge Heiji.”

“That is — really touching,” Heiji said, “Also weird in ways I can’t describe, but that is just how my life is nowadays I guess.”

Hakuba sighed and clicked his phone shut. “Well, Kuroba has always been a crowd favourite.”

“Had lots of experience with that, hasn’t he?” Shinichi said. “Oh look, here he comes.”

Kaito bounced over, already back to himself and leaving the crowd guessing to the true identity of the winning performer, and grinned at them. “Surprised?”

“Literally no one,” Shinichi said. “No one.”

“I’ll admit I’m a little surprised,” Heiji said. “At the limit of your depravity, but that’s just me.”

Kaito turned his eyes to Hakuba. Hakuba stared at him despairingly. “I agree with all of the above,” he said. Kaito scrunched his nose. Hakuba sighed.

“Still mine, I guess,” Hakuba said, then the corner of his lips curved. 

“ _So_ disgusting,” Heiji mumbled.

“Okay so Kuroba wins crowd favourite,” Shinichi said, staring at his phone, “Whatever. Hakuba — huh, you win the most authentic Holmes title.”

“Well I _am_ British,” Hakuba said. “I’m glad the voters also approve that Jeremy Brett is the one and only authentic Holmes.”

“And…” Shinichi said, scowling, “They think I’m the most daily in-character Holmes? What does that even mean?”

“A compliment,” Hakuba said. “You are after all the Detective of the East.”

Shinichi looked at him in surprise. “You are finally conceding that title to me?” 

“Well,” Hakuba said, glancing at Kaito, who was swishing around on a bar chair. “I am quite happy with being KID’s one true adversary for now.” Kaito lifted his head and grinned at him.

“ _So_ disgusting,” Shinichi said. “But good for you.”

“Aw yes!” Heiji said, shaking his phone in triumph, “5000 yen in winnings!”

“…”

“This,” Heiji said majestically, “Gentlemen and gentlemen. Is called true strategic investment.”

“So drinks are on you,” Kaito said. “Also dinner. Wait, we forgot to have dinner!” Kaito straightened with alarm. “It’s almost midnight — oh my god I still have to go to work tomorrow. I _knew_ this whole idea was stupid.”

“Just another long day in Tokyo,” Hakuba said, ruffling Kaito’s hair affectionately.

“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer,” Shinichi said. “So yeah, Hattori, dinner’s on you.”

“How’s that fair?” Heiji said, “Let Kuroba pay. He’s the one who gatecrashed the party!”

“If it weren’t for my odds you’d win nothing!” Kaito said. “I demand veneration, dark human!”

“Do something,” Heiji said to Hakuba pleadingly. “Do your thing!”

“What thing?” Kaito said, indignant. “He doesn’t have a thing. I have a thing. KID sama has a thing. None of you puny detectives have a thing.”

“Hmm,” Hakuba said, “Maybe some tuna sashimi for dinner.”

“I _don’t_ have a thing,” Kaito said without missing a beat. “Chicken Katsu, please?”

“Admirable,” Shinichi said with disinterest, scrolling through his phone.

“You gotta teach me this,” Heiji said, deeply impressed, while glancing at Shinichi.

“Think very carefully about what you say next,” Shinichi said without even lifting his head. Heiji gulped.

“You _really_ don’t have a thing,” Kaito said helpfully.

“How is this my life,” Heiji whined. “Oi Kudo — ”

Shinichi ran ahead, made a face, and waved at him. 

Kaito bounced on his heels and watched them race after one another. “They are totally disgusting.” 

Hakuba smiled at him. 

“What,” Kaito said, “Oh —”

Hakuba shielded him from the view of the pedestrian sidewalk, and kissed him. Kaito sighed into it, and instinctively nudged into Hakuba’s hand. 

“So I guess I do have a thing,” Kaito said after a while.

“Don’t say it,” Hakuba said, eyes still closed.

Kaito grinned manically. “…For you,” he said. “My favourite tentei-san.” 

Hakuba sighed through his nose even as the corner of his lips lifted hopelessly upwards. “That was terrible, even for you,” Hakuba said. “I demand better.” 

“You are so high maintenance,” Kaito said. “At least buy me dinner first.”

“I’m not letting Hattori off this easy,” Hakuba said. “I’ll buy you breakfast.”

“Detective after my own heart,” Kaito said, nudged his shoulder, and grinned. 

END

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the culmination of reading too many (and not enough) Hakukai in the last months, across both Chinese & English fandoms. I usually write Hakukai in Chinese and the feel is completely different, as are the characterisation, but I had a blast with this one. The characterisation is a bit of a mix between Chinese & English fanon with only one thing as a constant: Kaito is a chaotic child everywhere in the world haha. 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed!


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